Thursday, July 3, 2008

"Nice" Timing

We decided to get an intrauterine insemination (IUI) this cycle, which means Delia will jack off into a cup at the doctor's office, they'll "wash and specially prepare" her semen then they'll "place it" into my uterus "through the cervix using a small catheter."

I detected my LH surge tonight, so we have to go do this tomorrow. Since it's the 4th of July, they are only open until noon so our appointment has to be before then, way before because they have to prep the sperm first. I'm pretty stressed out about the whole thing because of the long drive (2.5 hours minimum) on a drunk driving holiday with all the traffic and potential for missing ferries. I'm very anxious about driving anyway AND I fucking HATE mornings, especially nasty early mornings where I'm getting up to have someone penetrate my cervix. I wish I could feel celebratory about this, but I'm feeling really tense about the whole thing.

On the bright side, the moon will be waxing and, as Delia pointed out, it will be cool to say our baby was conceived on the 4th of July.

I'm not sure if we're going to stay the night at my sister's house in Seattle to avoid having to drive home on the 4th, so I've canceled my webcam shows for Saturday the 5th since we might not be home, and even if we are I wouldn't be able to do shows with penetration or orgasms (read about the conflicting information I've heard/read on this HERE). There probably won't be much of an audience anyway since most Americans are off partying this weekend.

Keep your fingers crossed for us, or whatever you'd like to do to wish us well!

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Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Moon Phases

I confess to being superstitious about moon phases in our conception attempts; I want the moon to be WAXING (getting fuller) while we're trying to conceive and when implantation happens. The waxing moon is the time to plant, that's all.

Of course, when you have a totally unpredictable cycle that stretches on for six weeks and doesn't/has rarely ever come close to syncing up with the rhythm of the moon it's hard to get everything lined up. Obviously I'm not so superstitious or strange that we haven't tried to get pregnant even if the moon was waning when I ovulated and after, but I have definitely felt more hopeful and happy when the moon phase was "right".

And it was "right" this cycle, I think. The moon was new/dark a couple days before I ovulated, which means it was waxing when I ovulated and, if all went well, when the egg would have been fertilized and then later implanted. The moon is full right now and if my period is going to come, it's due tomorrowish. Naturally I hope it doesn't come. And if it doesn't/if I'm pregnant, I will probably partly attribute it to the moon.

That and the Clomid. And the Instead cups and Robitussen tricks. Every little bit helps, right?

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Monday, April 21, 2008

Nursing Mama Doll & Ovulation Update

This has to be one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen:



Found via Hobo Stripper who led me to Enchanted Gypsy where I found her store.

I love people who make beautiful things, and beautiful TOUCHABLE things are especially wonderful.

*****

I've been testing my pee every day for the past couple of weeks to try to catch my hormone surge leading to ovulation; I'm worried this will be another cycle where I don't even pop an egg; it seems like it would have happened by now, plus I just don't feel like anything's been going on in there; usually I feel some cramps for a few days; I've only had maybe three momentary pinches. We are wondering if having less sex (trying to save up the sperm) is decreasing whatever stimulation I might need to pop an egg.

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Thursday, January 24, 2008

My First Appointment with a Fertility Expert

We made the trek to the fertility clinic on Tuesday for me to be seen this time instead of Delia going to the lab area to bank sperm.

For my first appointment we chatted, of course, and the doctor performed a transvaginal ultrasound (she slid a long, lubed-up, dildo-like transducer into my vag, rather than rolling one over my abdomen because of the placement of my non-pregnant uterus). The good news is that my uterus and ovaries look healthy and normal (though she did exclaim that my uterus is "tipped WAY back", but I already knew that and it isn't supposed to have any bearing on whether or not I'm fertile). She angled the transducer to one side to show me one ovary and then the other (with lots of black dots on each showing the competing egg sacs/follicles). I meant to ask for a picture (to scan and post here), but I forgot; the procedure didn't take long at all, but it was a relief to see that at least there's nothing obviously wrong with my ovaries or uterus. The doctor did a great job of gracefully inserting her tool into me, but no -- having a woman doctor penetrate me with her big long wand wasn't a sexy experience for me (though I could certainly concoct a fantasy based on the experience that COULD be sexy).

Of course she reassured us that trying for six months is not a very long time at all so not to worry; I'm still young (relative to the women she usually treats) but she understood that part of our hurry is that Delia's transition is on hold while she puts off starting hormones to maintain her own fertility so we can get pregnant. The doctor was really cool about that and asked (in a casual, personal, "I'm fascinated" way) to know more about when she decided to transition, expressing her admiration for the strength it must have taken to resolve to do that. This probably sounds like a cheesy after school special scene, but it wasn't.

She explained the steps they would usually take during my next cycle if we don't get pregnant this month; long story short, they'll test whether or not my tubes are blocked and depending on whether they are or they're not, they'll put me on hormones then we can also come back and get intrauterine insemination so that they inject the sperm right into my uterus. Apparently the chance of having twins is 5-8% with the hormones and 1% for triplets. Personally I think that is more of a risk than I want to take right now, but it's not quite as bad as I thought it would be.

We haven't really had time to decide whether or not (or when) we'll go that route, and my thoughts on that are grist for other blog entries when I'm not so pressed for time.

*****

I'm hopeful that this cycle will be THE ONE where we do it naturally; we've only been using the ovulation predictor test strips for two cycles, and may have been overdoing it with the fucking, reducing our chances of conception by screwing four of five days in a row and too early. This time we will wait until my LH surge happens and fuck the next day (there are a couple of reasons we weren't doing it this way before; again, grist for a different blog entry).

My LH levels seem to be picking up, so I won't be surprised if we get our chance tomorrow or within a few days. Delia hasn't shot a load since Monday so the sperm should be hearty and numerous.

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Monday, January 21, 2008

Charting for the Fertility Experts

Still not pregnant, but we'll give it another shot sometime within the next week and a half.

I'm getting all my period-started and LH-surge dates written down to take to the fertility clinic tomorrow; it will be my first appointment there (though I've been there plenty with Delia for her sperm banking).

The last birth control pill I took was in June, and Delia decided to transition in May so it's time for us to get the show on the road or at least find out if that's even possible for us/me.

I have a lot of blog entries to write about this process we've been going through, but have been overwhelmed by the dailiness of life and other projects so haven't gotten around to it. I do intend to go back and detail some of what's been happening, how I've been feeling, and more of my thoughts regarding the intersection of fertility, infertility and pornography.

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Wednesday, July 18, 2007

NEGATIVE

So. We took a pregnancy test on Thursday, July 12th. If I properly detected my ovulation then my period was due on Wednesday, July 11th (the day before we took the test).

Anyway, it came out unambiguously negative.

Either my period is going to be really late or the test was wrong / we took it too early. Before I was on the pill, it was pretty average for me to be on a six week cycle, which is really annoying. So here I am, a week "late" but that could mean absolutely nothing.

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Sunday, June 24, 2007

Love Making

We had sex for the first potentially-fertile time on Thursday. It was probably too early, but still . . . we were both aware that it was purposeful sex aimed towards the specific consequence of conception.

Things I'm embarrassed to admit:

I found myself trying to concoct fantasies in my head that weren't as kinky as my usual fantasies during sex. I tried to imagine "healthy" fantasies. What kind of fantasies are you supposed to have when you're making a baby? Lines kept running through my head like, we are having grown-up sex. This is how adults do it. I kept being nagged by the awareness that somehow what we were doing was suddenly a touch foreign to me.

On the other hand, it was very romantic and lovey-dovey sex. Here's what a voyeur had to say about it:
You and tucker look so hot together . . . everybody on chat was talking about you. I added that you have the hottest body . . . Tucker was hot too, he's cool. It wasn't really sex to me, it was love making there, true love making . . . it was beautiful.
Isn't that sweet? I guess the romance was apparent, maybe because we both had big shit-eating grins on our faces.

Of course, that particular voyeur didn't have audio so he couldn't hear the naughty fantasy I confessed aloud to reverting to. I actually don't even remember what it was now, but maybe some other peepers heard it. Something about me being Delia's daddy, I think.

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