Thursday, April 2, 2009

Question from a Two Year Old

After my pregnant sister finished reading a couple of books to my nephew preparing him for the new baby on his way, he looked over at me and asked, "do you have a baby in your tummy too?"

No. No I don't.

I haven't felt sad about not getting pregnant in a good long while, but tears did spring into my eyes over that. I don't exactly know why. Probably partly because he's one of the main reasons we wanted to try to have kids, so to see him looking so angelic and curious and hopeful and confused made that reminder of what we're missing out on suck a little bit. And just what is the difference between his mommy -- my sister -- and me?

*****

When I got back home after spending the night away from Delia, I saw that the movie she decided to watch while she was alone was Juno. That sort of doubled the twinge of sadness.

Even though there are a million great things about not having kids and it's worth celebrating NOT having them, I think there will always be a little sense of loss that sneaks up on us from time to time. Of course, we still might but the chances are very, very slim.

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4 Comments:

Anonymous jaclyn ann said...

Metformin (glucopage) is used to treat some endocrine disorders (like mine, PCOS) and has been shown in increase fertility and ovulation. Perhaps that is an option?

April 3, 2009 12:48 PM  
Blogger Trixie Fontaine said...

Thanks for the info. I'm actually back on the pill / we're not trying right now / probably won't again. Lots of holes on this blog, I know, but again, thanks for sharing the info. The endo stuff is all very interesting to me and I'm trying to tackle getting mine balanced from a variety of angles.

April 3, 2009 2:54 PM  
Blogger Trixie Fontaine said...

I should mention that one of those things I've been working on is increasing my insulin sensitivity through diet control since I do think that's a big chunk of my problems (cortisol & androgens & insulin resistance, though I have no test results saying that -- I just know it from reading about it and comparing my symptoms and how much better I've felt since addressing these things by going back on the pill, maintaining a more stable blood sugar level, etc.).

April 3, 2009 2:59 PM  
Anonymous Tara said...

Oh, how sad Trixie. I know it was months ago, but I wanna give you a big hug.

October 22, 2009 8:53 PM  

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