So Tired of Waiting

Most of the past 7-10 days has been not just okay, but even great, as I'm mostly-convinced I'm pregnant and have been feeling fantastic.

We've taken a couple of tests too-early, though, and I hate seeing those blank white looks where a positive line should be.

I'm having a hard time motivating myself to do anything; all I want is to know for sure. RIGHT NOW.

I know a lot of people get negative results on home pregnancy tests before they get positives due to a similar impatience or diluted urine or whatever. That knowledge is not a real big consolation, though.

Surge & Sperm

After this many months of trying, I ordered fifty ovulation predictor test strips to test twice a day during my November cycle. During October I got a pack of five Accu-Clear tests at the grocery store; they were so expensive, and for someone like me with an unpredictable cycle it wasn't enough to detect anything.

This time around I read more about how the tests work and when the surge of luteinizing hormone is detectable in urine (RARELY in the morning, FYI). Three weeks after the first day of my period, I got positive results (bottom two strips; the line on the left has to be DARKER than the control line on the right):



Those third & fourth strips from the top were from the afternoon and evening of November 23rd, so I should have ovulated that day or the next. Some people say that by the time you detect the LH surge in your urine (hours after the actual surge), it's on the late side to have sex because the sperm will have too far to travel to get to the egg in time, so you should actually be fucking in the days preceding the surge. Fortunately we DID fuck the days before.

Delia shot a huge stored-up load in me on the 21st, and another giant one on the 22nd (Thanksgiving), plus one on the 23rd (the day of the positive test results) and the 24th. On Thanksgiving I FELT like I was ovulating (and the test results were getting a teensy bit darker), and we got really excited that day and the next, as excited and hopeful as we've been about it since we started trying to conceive. REALLY excited and positive, to the point where we BELIEVED it "took", and not just that it took, but that it will be a girl.

I think it makes a big difference emotionally when you get positive results on tests. SEEING those dark lines on my pee sticks made me feel certain my body is working properly. Also, Delia had her sperm tested and they're normal (she's done two deposits at the fertility clinic which they've been able to harvest into a number of vials for freezing: four the first time and I'm not sure how many the second time).

Now, over a week later, I feel PMSy. It just started today but I feel a little edgy and impatient. Night before last I dreamed that my period started; I inspected the cloth dotted with the blood that came out of me and tried to be positive, telling myself it was implantation bleeding, but there were shreds of tissue and too much blood for me to believe it was anything but my period. I also woke up from a bad dream this morning; my dreams get more active and scary when my period's on its way, so I feel . . . . blah. I'm trying not to feel hopeless, but I feel a little depressed. You want to ascribe meaning to every imagined "symptom": Is my pussy wetter than usual? I believe it is! I MUST BE PREGNANT! Am I crankier than I was yesterday? Yeah, for sure -- I MUST *NOT* BE PREGNANT! I'm not hungry for chocolate -- I COULDN'T POSSIBLY BE HAVING PMS SO I MUST BE PREGNANT!! I'm agitated and horny -- I MUST BE HAVING PMS, THEREFORE I AM NOT PREGNANT!!

One other good thing about getting positive results for LH surge on the ovulation prediction tests is that at least I know exactly when my period is due this way: FRIDAY. Things should be more obvious to me in a few days, and if my period doesn't start or feel like it's going to start on Friday, I'll take a pregnancy test on Saturday, December 8th. If it's positive, I'll let everyone know!